7 unethical things that {probably} happened at grammie’s house

By July 29, 2014article, Joy, momhood

A few weeks ago, Mr. Fantastic and I went to Florida sans the little people.


We left our kiddos in the capable hands of their grandparents.


When we got back, the whole lot of them were smiley and had suspiciously very little to report. At first all they said things like:

“Everything was great!”

“We missed you! Glad you’re back!”

“We had so much fun!”

Tiny, slightly suspicious details have occasionally surfaced, though. It’s difficult to get a good hold on exactly what went down that week. What happens at Grammie’s house, stays at Grammie’s house. But I think I can roughly sketch out some of the action.

To all the grandparents out there who go to super-human efforts to care for your grandkids and give your children a break from the weight of parenting, I salute you. You are amazing and your wonderfully lenient ways spoil our children. We will gladly wean them off getting their way constantly when we get back from our trip. Because sleep is good. Because getaways are fun. Because life is easier without our kids, and we love easier lives every once in a while.

Here are 7 things that {probably} happened at Grammie’s house:

7. Time robbery. No bedtimes. No naps. (Most likely no sanity.) My kids said things like, “I’m so excited to be at your house that I just can’t sleep at all!!” and delighted their grandparents with adoration. My poor in-laws will probably have to sleep for a month straight to regain the energy my children robbed them of that week. But they had their week of glory, and I know they wouldn’t trade it for the world.

6. Kick-backs. My kids and my in-laws were very happy to give all their love to each other and they all enjoyed the kick-backs that came along with the deal. “What’s that, Grammie? Do I like to bake cookies with you? Yes. Everyday. Then I like to eat them while we watch movies with Granddaddy. These are the memories I will treasure when I go off to college.” This is called a win/win situation.

5. Safety Not First. Okay, maybe one of my little rascals didn’t actually say, “My parents always let us set fire to stuff in the driveway.” But I bet they came close. To our faces, they say we never let them do anything fun. To their grandparents, they claim we are practically devoid of rules. It’s all about perspective.

4. Bribery. The treats and privileges enjoyed at Grammie’s house help ensure that what happens at Grammie’s house stays at Grammie’s house. “I miss my mommy. But gummy bears and visiting arcades when I should probably take a nap help me cope…. By the way, you’re the best grandparents ever.” Cha-ching, little ones.

3. Child labor. I don’t think my kids lifted a finger to help that week. They batted their eyelashes and “didn’t hear” a lot of requests to clean up, despite the lecture I gave them about helping out before I left. This proves two undeniable truths in life: Kids never listen to lectures and my mother-in-law is a saint. 

2. Theft. The kids stole their grandparents’ sleep, food, sanity, patience, and hearts. The Lady also stole an old cell phone from the toy box. I just found it in her suitcase yesterday.

1. Breaking antitrust laws. Most days, there were four children demanding the attention and help of only one woman. Boy 1 wanted her to shoot baskets, Boy 2 wanted her to bake cookies, Boy 3 wanted her to play water gun war, and the Lady wanted her to play Barbies. She had a monopoly on her grandchildren and there was no escaping the consequences. 

It’s been two weeks since we retrieved our kids from the heavenly land of the grandparents. They are doing chores, practicing piano, and eating vegetables. But I’m sure they are already pining away for their next visit with their grandparents, and plotting more unethical glory. Bless it….