oy with the poodles already

By | dreams, fear, love, Uncategorized | No Comments

Last weekend, I was having an all-too-frequent moment of insecurity. I’m not sure there’s a way to avoid these here on earth, as long as we’re clothed in this fading flesh of ours. Everyone I know is afraid they may not be enough now and then. Gosh, we’re a neurotically flawed bunch. I try not to wallow, though. As Lorelei would say: Oy with the poodles already. Oy with the poodles already is Gilmore Girls talk…

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first love and big trophies

By | dreams, family, God, love, pixar | One Comment

  “I see what you’ve done, your hard, hard work, your refusal to quit. I know you can’t stomach evil, that you weed out apostolic pretenders. I know your persistence, your courage in my cause, that you never wear out. But you walked away from your first love—why? What’s going on with you, anyway?….Listen. Listen to the Wind Words, the Spirit blowing through the churches. I’m about to call each conqueror to dinner. I’m spreading…

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how to find your place in all the confusion

By | book proposal, books, dreams, failure, faith, ministry, problems, Uncategorized | No Comments

Last Thursday, I rearranged the whole downstairs of my house because there were feelings and thoughts piled up in my head. All those feelings and thoughts needed new places, but I couldn’t make them all fit. So I moved the tangible things I could. It’s my own favorite kind of therapy. Because, I don’t know if you know this, but in order to achieve my dream of publishing a book, I’m supposed to be famous…

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my book proposal: a tale of success and failure (part 1)

By | a year on the front row, book proposal, dreams, failure, problems, Uncategorized | 7 Comments

I am feeling the sting of failure today and I need to ask you a question.What do success and failure mean to you?  Listen, I don’t want any prepackaged, vacuum-sealed answers to that question. I will reference the movie Elizabethtown and ask that you not give me an ice cream cone. That means I don’t want an answer that is sweet and pretty but melts away into a sticky nothing in the end. That movie…

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shalom: for these days when nothing is as it ought to be

By | dreams, God's presence, gospel, grace, problems, Uncategorized | No Comments

I’m starting to feel like the world is one giant swirling gust of wind. Swoosh… there are ants in my kitchen and I can’t seem to get rid of them. The bug guy says they live in the walls. SUPER! Swoosh… my left eyelid is starting to wrinkle at an unprecedented rate, like it’s in a race to look eighty-five before I hit fifty. It’s so ahead of its time. I think I may name…

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a wednesday kind of prayer

By | devotional, dreams, God, Uncategorized | No Comments

“There’s no greater lifestyle and no greater happiness than that of having a continual conversation with God.” —Brother Lawrence (1614-1691) He gently tapped my shoulder while it was still dark outside, still dark in our room, while I was covered in the dark of my dreams.“Do you still want to wake up this early?”Yes. I really do.I made a cup of coffee, opened my computer, and let words trickle from my fingertips onto the keyboard.And…

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on avoiding my fortieth birthday

By | a year on the front row, aging, dreams, fear, grace, lessons in life, Uncategorized | No Comments

I have been so brave about turning forty until this week- when I will actually  have to turn forty. Such an unfortunate turn of cowardice on my part. For three years now, the big 4-0 has looked like an oasis in the distance, a shining brass trophy awaiting my grand victory, and a bandaid long in need of being ripped off. I have felt forty since I turned thirty-seven, But feeling forty and actually turning…

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old enough

By | choosing, courage, dreams, fairness, shame, Uncategorized, vulnerability | No Comments

I promise it’s true: the older we get, the younger we feel. Which is ridiculous, because we remember middle school like it was yesterday, when we thought thirty was old, forty was ancient, fifty was incomprehensible, and sixty year-olds probably need to just take a nap all the time. Our plan was to be forever young. Growing old seemed about as likely as being abducted by aliens or mastering the moonwalk back then. And yet, time itself just kept ticking…

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10 signs you’re a dreamer trying to hack your way through the real world

By | dreams, tuesday top ten, Uncategorized | 2 Comments

I have a lot of conversations like this with my husband: Me: “Gah, that tragedy just makes me feel like there is hope after all.”  Mr. F: “I don’t understand.”  Me: “Well, if this is as bad as it gets, and we’re still standing, rainbows and sparkles are possible.”  Mr. F: “I still don’t understand.” Me: “I know. That’s how we ended up together.”  Mr. F: {blank stare, moves on} I confuse him. We both…

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how a pastor’s wife talked about heaven with her children

By | dreams, faith, home, Uncategorized | One Comment

On an ordinary afternoon last week, I was driving my kiddos home from Target and one of them asked a question about heaven. “Mom, do you think we will get bored in heaven, if we’re just singing and praising God forever?” I began to explain that our home beyond this world would be more than that. Eternity will be different than our world here, and we will be different too. It’s hard to imagine what…

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