Category

fear

oy with the poodles already

By | article, dreams, fear, love | No Comments

Last weekend, I was having an all-too-frequent moment of insecurity. I’m not sure there’s a way to avoid these here on earth, as long as we’re clothed in this fading flesh of ours. Everyone I know is afraid they may not be enough now and then. Gosh, we’re a neurotically flawed bunch. I try not to wallow, though. As Lorelei would say: Oy with the poodles already. Oy with the poodles already is Gilmore Girls talk…

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how we find our way when we can’t see a thing

By | faith, fear, God | No Comments

We sit at our usual table, with our books and our discussion questions and our coffee in our hands. Cookies wait on a happy plate of sweet friendship to share as we discuss our week’s reading. I read a passage from Ann Voskamp’s book, One Thousand Gifts, then ask a question of my own: “Faith is in the gaze of the soul. Faith is the seeing soul’s eyes upon a saving God, the saving God…

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when god’s will looms over us

By | fear, God, words | No Comments

“In the arms of the ocean, so sweet and so cold And all this devotion, well, I never knew at all, And the questions I have, for a sinner released, In the arms of the ocean deliver me.” -Florence + the Machine, Never Let Me Go In my dreams, the will of God looms above me like a wave about to crash down on my head. It isn’t exactly God who is up there, a ceiling…

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on race, church, diversity, and all the love

By | article, diversity, fear, God | No Comments

I wrote this post after the riots in Baltimore last year, and it is beating heavily in my heart today. I’m sorry that I don’t have new words. New words would be wonderful, but I have been so sad and so angry this week and I have lost most of my words except for I’m sorry, I love you, and Jesus please help us. Morgan and I were on vacation but have come back to…

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on avoiding my fortieth birthday

By | a year on the front row, aging, article, dreams, fear, grace, lessons in life | No Comments

I have been so brave about turning forty until this week- when I will actually  have to turn forty. Such an unfortunate turn of cowardice on my part. For three years now, the big 4-0 has looked like an oasis in the distance, a shining brass trophy awaiting my grand victory, and a bandaid long in need of being ripped off. I have felt forty since I turned thirty-seven, But feeling forty and actually turning…

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losing jesus

By | article, faith, fear, home | No Comments

A few summers ago, our family did a whirlwind four days at Disneyworld. Doing Disney with four children under seven means several things will happen. First, it means there will be at least one miserable person in your party at all times. It may be the kid who is too small to ride Space Mountain. Or possibly the child lying on the filthy floor of a public bathroom because he is “starving” and “dying of…

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what’s the worst thing that could happen?

By | article, fear, home, lessons in life, Suffering | No Comments

There seem to be so many awful things that happen in the world. What if we’re next? That’s the trap, isn’t it? That fear hisses out from the small offenses, the minor losses, and the non-life threatening horrors we must endure. It’s also the disquieting hum vibrating out of nightmares that come true and tragedies that break hearts and lives. It’s often unbearable. But what if the worst is behind us? Sometimes I look at…

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the lesson in loving the brave son

By | article, courage, family, fear, momhood | No Comments

Some children are more complicated to raise. It’s just true. There isn’t less love or less grace or more rules or more grace or any difference in the environment around here. The only variables are the sensitivity and temperaments of the children we cherish and tend, and our own strengths and limitations as parents. The tough cases can make a mama lose hope and feel just a smidge like a failure, though. When one of…

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nothing makes me as brave as knowing God’s will

By | article, faith, fear, God | No Comments

We sit at our usual table, with our books and our discussion questions and our coffee in our hands. Cookies wait on a happy plate of sweet friendship to share as we discuss our week’s reading. I read a passage from Ann Voskamp’s book, One Thousand Gifts, then ask a question of my own: “Faith is in the gaze of the soul. Faith is the seeing soul’s eyes upon a saving God, the saving God…

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the talent

By | article, fear, Poetry | No Comments

i hold it close; precious, golden beauty in my hand.what could be done with this gift?lives could be saved, cupboards could be filled, joy could be wrought.but this gift- is a fearsome thing. cruel master, handing out talents, no direction or expectations explained.you seek trust, faith, a pure heart; i fall short on all three.beneath the gilded surface in my hand lies great fear.“hide it away,” i think. why, why, master, did you place this…

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