I never planned to write a blog, speak at churches and retreats, or marry a pastor. Love will make you do crazy things, though. Back in 1999, I was working for a production designer in Hollywood and planning to move to Europe to make beautiful things one day. I had a vague outline of the man I would marry: kind, in love with Jesus, very good at business.
Then one day I turned up in love with the wrong kind of guy: kind, in love with Jesus, very good at ministry. I figured two out of three wasn’t so bad. Besides, if God was calling him, and I was in this much love with the guy, then surely God would help me with whatever we faced down the road. I skipped off into the sunset with my man. I was in way over my head and had no idea. God seems to find this situation humorous in my life, like I’m living in a perpetual I Love Lucy episode.
After a few years we had three babies in twenty-seven months, moved so many times we had the moving company on speed dial, had one more baby just for kicks. I died many deaths in those years of early motherhood.
Eventually my husband, Morgan, ended up pastoring a beautiful church full of people who are different in every single solitary way except for their shared BIG love for Jesus. Pastoring would be the hardest thing we had ever tried to do. I can guarantee it is the surest way to better learn how big and complex God is, as well as how small and clueless you are.
Church is the best kind of crazy.
Have you ever been loved by people who think your music is stupid, your choice of movies is lame, and your new outfit is ridiculous? I highly recommend it. It’s the jam. Life changes when we’re adored and valued by someone who is pretty sure our choices in life are all fundamentally screwy. We find out what life is really about when those different people laugh at our jokes and invite us over for dinner even though we are so weird.
We were made for love: to love God and to love each other. There’s no substitute life that will satisfy our hearts once we know this. The deeper this revelation goes, the more we are willing to give up so we can reconcile this messy world and the love we know is true. Finding the love in the mess is mostly what this website is about.
I feel now it’s safe to tell you that I mostly listen to a mixture of Bob Dylan, Dido, Pink, and Justin Bieber. (I really only like one of Bieber’s songs, but omagaw, it’s AMAZING.) I could watch Funny Face, Sleepless in Seattle, and Sliding Doors all day everyday no matter what because hello! Audrey, Meg, and Gwyneth. And if the word “maxi dress”, “hoodie”, or “leggings” is in the description of an outfit, I would definitely wear it. I’m actually probably wearing all three right now as you read this.
If you can handle that mess, I salute you. Bring your own crazy music, weird movies, and daring style and rock it.